Don’t Just Make Mistakes, Learn From Them

Don’t Just Make Mistakes, Learn From Them – Harvey Mackay ~ / ~

The daughter of Ralph Waldo Emerson, American poet, lecturer and philosopher, was attending school away from her home when she indicated in a letter to her father that she was concerned about a mistake that continued to haunt her.

Emerson wrote the following to his daughter: “Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; but get rid of them and forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, and you should never encumber its potentialities and invitations with the dread of the past. You should not waste a moment of today to the rottenness of yesterday.”

More than 200 years later, this is still good advice in dealing with the mistakes that will inevitably enter our lives.

According to John Maxwell, mistakes are:

“Messages that give us feedback about life.
Interruptions that should cause us to reflect and think.
Signposts that direct us to the right path.
Tests that push us towards greater maturity.
Awakenings that keep us in the game mentally.
Keys that we can use to unlock the next door of opportunity.
Explorations that let us journey where we’ve never been before.
Statements about our development and progress.”

Everyone makes mistakes. You learn from them. You change. And you move forward. Stumbling is not falling. If you think a mistake is the end of a career, consider the following advice from some icons who are admired for their accomplishments.

As former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”

President Ronald Reagan put it another way, “What should happen when you make a mistake is this: You take your knocks, you learn your lessons, and then you move on.”

As the great comedian Charlie Chaplin said: “No matter how desperate the predicament is, I am always very much in earnest about clutching my cane, straightening my derby hat and fixing my tie, even though I may have just landed on my head.”

“If I wasn’t making mistakes, I wasn’t making decisions,” said Robert Johnson, founder of Johnson & Johnson.

I embrace Dave Ramsey’s approach to mistakes. He said, “As a leader, if I know you care deeply, then when you screw up, I will be quick to give you a second or third chance. However, I have a very low tolerance for your mistakes when you don’t care.”

I think that is a fair way to judge mistakes. Mistakes made by passionate people with the right motivation should be given more leeway than those made by dispassionate people.

I remember seeing an interview with a professional hockey goalie years ago. He basically said, “All of us make mistakes. But how would you like a job where every time you make a mistake, a red light goes on?”

In the words of our favorite baseball philosopher, Yogi Berra, “Don’t make the wrong mistakes.”

When I coach our sales staff at MackayMitchell Envelope Company, I always tell them, “It doesn’t matter how many pails of milk you spill just so long as you don’t lose the cow.” They might lose some sales, but don’t lose the account, the cow.

Mistakes are, and always will be, part of the human condition. Try as you may, you will eventually mess up something. How you respond to your error determines just how smart you really are. Look for the silver lining in the cloud, even if it’s just an opportunity to learn how not to make the same mistake over (and over) again. Even better, think about what you may have done well and build on that element. You will have plenty of chances to learn from your inevitable mistakes.

Just make sure that you correct the right mistakes. Many years ago, three vagrants were sentenced to death by the guillotine for their serious unlawful behavior. When the fateful day arrived, the first victim was placed on the guillotine, but it didn’t work.

The executioner shouted “Unbelievable! The laws of our land dictate we must set you free.”

The second drifter was positioned beneath the murderous weapon and again, the guillotine got stuck. He too was set free.

As the third man lay on the platform glaring up at the large blade, he

suddenly blurted out, “Wait a minute. I see your problem. If you would just oil that hinge …”

Mackay’s Moral: Make no mistake, sometimes our best ideas follow our biggest boo-boos.

Assertiveness Is Not Bullying

Assertiveness Is Not Bullying – Harvey Mackay ~ / ~

A new college graduate reported for work on the first day and looked forward to meeting with her boss. She asked if she could speak first, and proceeded to inform the boss that she would not be working on Fridays and would expect to have new office furniture of her choosing. She also let it be known that any criticism of her work would be viewed as harassment, since she was schooled in all the latest methods and practices.

The boss sat silent, which the new grad interpreted as agreement. But then he stood up and said, “I’m not sure who you talked to about this, or why you think you have that kind of authority on your first –and possibly last—day here, but the answers are no, no and no. And while I admire your assertiveness, you might want to work on your people skills.”

Assertiveness can help you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, but it can also intimidate and scare others. You don’t want to be viewed as a bully or arrogant. Finding the right amount of assertiveness is the key because assertiveness is not always seen as a positive trait.

Being assertive means being self-confident, firm, positive, decisive and empathic all rolled into one. Studies show that assertive people have better self-esteem, reduced mental health issues and stress, have healthier and more reciprocal relationships and just have better overall satisfaction with their lives.

Simply put, assertive people get ahead but you must know the territory. Some companies and geographic areas value more assertiveness, while others prefer a more persuasive and quiet approach.

I’ve found that seeking feedback from colleagues is the best course on how to proceed and become more comfortable in speaking up. Another tactic is assessing your own behavior if you are honest and truthful. Are you fearful of asking or stating what you want?

Assertiveness will help you build positive relationships at work. And assertiveness, like most constructive traits, can be learned. Here are some practical tools that can help you take control of your career:

• Target your goal. Take a moment to identify what you want from an interaction with a co-worker or manager. Our desire to please others can get in the way of what we really need. Think about your own objectives and constraints before agreeing to requests for help.
• Be specific. The fewer mixed messages you send to people, the more likely you’ll get what you want from them. For example, instead of saying something like, “I need that sometime today, if possible,” specify when you need something from a colleague.
• Ask for more information. You need information to make good decisions for yourself. If you think a boss is making an unreasonable request, ask for clarification. That way you can understand the request more fully, and you’ll have the confidence to say “yes” or “no.”
• Take ownership of your message. Use “I” phrases instead of trying to pawn off responsibility. Say, for example, “I need that report on my desk by the end of the day,” instead of “They want the report today.”
• Say “no” when necessary. In an attempt to seem cooperative or nice, many of us don’t know how to say “no.” When you need to turn down a request, provide a short reason why you can’t do it. Don’t be overly apologetic – just be firm and polite. Warren Buffett said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
• Watch your emotions. Try not to get angry or show frustration. Conflict can be uncomfortable. If you are too emotional, delay if possible. Remain calm and breathe slowly. Keep your voice steady and strong.
• Use assertive body language. Studies show that body language is just as important, if not more than actual words. Maintain eye contact and use expressions and gestures wisely. Keep an upright posture, leaning forward. Don’t cross your arms or legs.
• Start small. Develop your assertive skills in low-risk situations by practicing with people you are close to and trust. Solicit their feedback and evaluate yourself and then adjust your approach. With regular practice you will become more comfortable and natural and less threatening.

The new grad in the first story could have used this advice – for this job or finding her next one.

Mackay’s Moral: Standing up for yourself isn’t about changing the other person. It’s about honoring your self-worth.

You Are On The Wrong Side Of Your Eyeballs To Be Objective About Yourself

You Are On The Wrong Side Of Your Eyeballs To Be Objective About Yourself! – Robert Rohm

I once heard that I am the least objective person about myself in the world. At the time I heard it, I had to stop and think about that for a bit. Up until that time, I had always considered that I was fairly objective about myself. However, I suddenly realized that I always thought favorably towards my own point of view in every situation I experienced! It just came naturally to me! I would be willing to bet the same is true of you as well.

This is not to say that we are never able to see our own faults, but the challenge comes when our faults are exposed to us in a way that we do not like. It is not fun when a mate, a child, a parent, a co-worker, or some other individual points out a fault in your character. Personal growth is often very painful. Life requires hard work, and there is no work that is harder than facing our own flaws and making corrections within ourselves – especially when those flaws are pointed out to us by other people in a manner that “grates” on us!

What if we were to receive a letter in the mail each week from someone we truly love and admire, and they told us how wonderful we were and how great we were doing in life? They might even close their letter with one or two suggestions of things we could work on that would make life better for us. I suppose that would be somewhat palatable. Each of us would probably say, “Well, I certainly will work on that because I know this person cares about me and is trying to be helpful.” While that might be acceptable, it does not seem to be the common way that most corrections come to us. Usually, they come through another person who may not be extremely kind about it. In fact, they can sometimes be rather blunt when telling us our faults.

I worked as a lifeguard when I was a teenager. I was still rather immature and somewhat lazy. The coach in charge of the pool got fed up with me one day and said, “Having you for help is like having no help at all!” Oh, that hurt. But he was right! I did not want to be like that. I did not want to be that kind of person. He was more objective about me than I was about myself. I woke up that day. I am now grateful for his rebuke!

As I mentioned above, growth can be painful. The more you want to grow, the more pain you may experience. And no one likes pain. A friend of mine told me that when he was going through a very difficult time, he prayed and asked God, “Why do you use pain so much to get my attention?” He said God responded to him and said, “Because it works!” While I do not think that God is sadistic in any way, I do think He sometimes has to get our attention in ways that are not always comfortable or easy to accept. However, the process of personal growth and improvement is well worth the effort (and pain) that we must go through to achieve success.

The next time you feel daring, why not find a good friend with whom you are close and ask them what one thing they would fix or change about you if they could? Since you cannot see your own “blind spots,” why not ask a trusted friend to offer one specific suggestion? You may be surprised to hear the answer. I recently did that with a friend of mine, and the one thing he suggested has been a very important area for my personal improvement. I already feel better about facing the issue and dealing with it.

We all have different issues, and we will be better when we face them and deal with them. If you feel up to it, let this be a personal project that perhaps will take you to a whole new level in your life. After all, if others are more objective about you than you are about yourself, then this project can only help make you a better person. I also believe it will bring about a new person in you that you will certainly enjoy becoming!

Tip: You are on the wrong side of your eyeballs to be objective about yourself!

Have a great week! God bless you! Dr. Robert Rohm

A Smile Improves Your Face Value

A Smile Improves Your Face Value – Harvey Mackay ~ / ~

I learned years ago that one of the most powerful and effective things you can do to sell successfully is to smile at prospects.

People like smiles a lot more than frowns. Many careers have been enhanced because of the presence of a bright smile. It should be standard equipment for all people. You shouldn’t come to work without a smile. And be sure to take it home with you at the end of the workday!

Smiling is so important that there is a National Smile Day (May 31), a National Smile Week (second week in August) and a National Smile Month (May 15-June 15).

My mother always told me that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve my looks. She also told me, “If you’re happy, tell your face.”

I continually ask our employees at MackayMitchell Envelope Company to answer the telephone with a smile. Why? You can hear a smile in a voice.

So I took special interest when recently reading a story in “The New York Times” about a smile teacher in Japan and how her business is booming. After three years of wearing masks during the pandemic, a lot of people forgot how to lift the corners of their mouths and smile. Her motto is “More smile, more happiness.”

Keiko Kawano, the smile coach, said: “People have not been raising their cheeks under a mask or trying to smile much. Now they’re at a loss. People train their body muscles, but not their faces. And you can’t just suddenly start using these muscles. You need to work on them.”

All people smile in the same language.

That yellow smiley-face icon is everywhere, but where did it come from? It was born in 1963 in Worcester, Mass., when State Mutual Life Assurance Company approached graphic designer Harvey Ball to create a morale booster for employees. It only took 10 minutes for Ball to create the icon and was paid a whopping $45.

In an interview with the Associated Press, Ball said, “I made a circle with a smile for a mouth on yellow paper, because it was sunshiny and bright.”

Everything seems much easier with a smile. Smiling makes you feel good, and it can actually improve your health and life. Consider these facts:

• Smiling makes you happier. Studies show that the act of smiling can actually trick the brain into feeling happier. Smiling can’t fix all your problems, but it can make you feel a little better at any moment.

• Smiling can drastically reduce stress. Research shows that smiling has the power to reduce stress and increase our ability to deal with trying situations. Smiling calms people down and increases their coping abilities.

• Smiling helps you live longer. Smiling decreases blood pressure by releasing endorphins to improve your immune system, helping fight infection and disease.

• Smiling improves your chances of work promotions. People who smile at work are more likely to be promoted. Smiling conveys happiness, approachability and confidence, all traits that managers look for in employees.

• Smiling can boost morale. This is especially true in difficult situations or fields such as medicine, hospice and home care. A smile is a light in the window of a face which shows that the heart is at home.

You should never underestimate the value of a smile. I have always loved this poem attributed to Bob Bertram:

“A smile costs nothing but gives a lot.

It enriches those who receive it without making poorer those who give it.

A smile takes only a moment but the memory of it can last forever.

No one is so rich, or so mighty, that they can get along without a smile.

And no one is so poor that they cannot be made richer by a smile.

A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business and is the counter sign of friendship.

A smile brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad and is nature’s best cure for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is of no value to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give a smile so give them one of yours, as no one needs a smile so much as he who has no more of his own to give.”

So get back into the habit – smile today!

Mackay’s Moral: The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.

Obstacles Are There To Help You…Really

Obstacles Are There To Help You…Really! – Robert Rohm ~ / ~

One night my daughter, Elizabeth, was showing me an aquarium full of tadpoles. She had purchased a whole bag full of them for her children (and my grandchildren) to watch them grow from tadpoles into frogs. It was fun watching all of those little wiggly creatures swimming around in the aquarium! It brought back many fond memories of my own childhood, playing with “critters” down at my grandparent’s house. I noticed that there was a big rock in the aquarium. When I asked Elizabeth why she put a rock right in the middle of the tadpoles’ environment, she told me a really interesting story. Elizabeth said that when she went to the pet store to buy the tadpoles, the gentleman told her to be sure to put a big rock right in the middle of the aquarium. The tadpoles must have this obstacle to give them the incentive to climb up and thus split their little wiggly tails so that their legs can begin to develop. If they have no rock or obstacle to climb up on, they will never turn into frogs. They cannot learn how to hop by just swimming around in the water. They must have something creating resistance in order to give them the incentive to leap forward. The man went on to tell her that last year a school teacher came back to the store and complained because none of her tadpoles had ever turned into frogs. She had put all of them in an aquarium and let them swim around, but they never became frogs. She wanted her money back! He asked her if she had put a big obstacle, like a rock, in the middle of the aquarium. She said that she had not. She was unaware that a tadpole will remain a tadpole unless it faces some obstacle or barrier that forces it to grow. It all makes perfect sense. It also makes sense why she did not get a refund on the tadpoles! So, my daughter was excited to show me all of the tadpoles swimming around the rock. In time, they will begin to try to climb up it, and eventually, they will make the transformation into a more fully mature frog. I was amazed and delighted to hear that story. It helped me begin to see, once again, why we have obstacles and barriers in front of us. They are not there to hinder us, but they are there to help develop us and to cause us to grow. It is not so much what the object is in front of each one of us that matters, as much as it is our attitude toward it. If we realize that the obstacle we are facing is really a gift that has come our way to help us grow and mature, we will be much more likely to face it in a positive manner. Since I watched those tadpoles the other night and saw the big rock in their aquarium, I have begun to see the obstacles I face in a different way. Instead of being rocks in my path, those obstacles have become stepping stones to help me “leap forward” in whatever situation I find myself. I know that those little tadpoles have no idea what is going on. They just are not that smart. The truth of the matter is, neither are we! Most of us have no idea what is going on in our lives either. We fail to understand that the barriers and obstacles, challenges, difficulties, and hard times that come our way each day are actually there for a purpose. There is no way we will have the incentive to grow, to become better, or to strive harder if things in life only require a simple, easy solution. I know the harder I work at anything, the more profitable it is for me, not only financially but personally, in my own heart and character as well. So, the next time you see a frog hopping around, smile at him and thank him for the well-taught lesson he has given you, remembering the struggle he has gone through to get where he is. Perhaps out in the wild somewhere, he faced a difficult rock or barrier in his life, but rather than swimming away from it, he just crawled up on it and began to develop his personal strength until he eventually matured to become the frog that you see hopping around. I have a whole new appreciation for tadpoles and frogs. Don’t you? Tip: Obstacles are there to help you…really! Have a great week! God bless you! Dr. Robert A. Rohm

Be Good, Do Good

Be Good, Do Good! – Robert Rohm ~ / ~

An epic mini-series on the life and times of John Adams recently aired on HBO. It was truly fantastic! I have never seen a finer production in my entire life. The complete series is available on DVD if you did not have the opportunity to see it.

As you know, John Adams was the second president of the United States. He went through an incredibly difficult time to help organize and direct this new experiment we have now come to know as the United States of America. Realizing the hardships that the early founding fathers faced and the difficulties they had to deal with daily, is a truly humbling experience. Remarkable greatness has gone before us to give us what we now know as independence and freedom! As I watched the episodes, I did not even feel worthy to live in the same country as some of these brilliant people who, through divine providence, were able to make decisions that have charted a course of success for our country for over two hundred forty years.

I was impressed, too, by his wife, Abigail, who was an incredible woman. I was humbled by her dedication and commitment to her family and our new country. She was kind, wise, hard-working, diligent, focused, mature, smart, and amazingly gracious in everything that she did. This strong woman gave her husband wise counsel as he tried to lead in his daily business decisions.

Because John Adams had to travel to England and France often, unfortunately, he had to be away from his family much of the time. When he left, he would look at his children and say, “Be good, do good.” The first time I heard that, I thought, “That really does sum up all of life.” If we can simply “be good and do good” every day, we will be more productive and have a better life. We get off track when we stop being good and doing good. Then, before long, we are making unwise decisions, saying things that hurt other people, and being unkind in our actions. It is very foolish not to “be good and do good” on a daily basis.

Stop and think with me just for a moment. What if everyone in the world had two goals each day: to be good and do good? That would eliminate all of the problems in our school systems, end violence, and gang problems, and eliminate terrorism. It would immediately end hurt feelings, domestic violence, and wars. It would stop the never-ending pain and hurt that many face in family, business, religion, and daily life. It is just so simple! Be good and do good!

I know that some of the most profound concepts are actually very simple in their origin. If we can go back to that one concept that John Adams taught his children, we will all be better for it. It truly would change the fabric of our society and perhaps our future if everyone focused on being good and doing good. It certainly seemed appropriate to live by that simple creed in the difficult days which our early founding fathers faced.

I know that life cannot be boiled down to any one formula, but “Be good and do good” is, in my estimation, a simple yet great philosophy by which to live one’s life. I know it touched me in a way that has already helped me ask myself the question, “Am I being good, and am I doing good right now?” I have some course corrections to make, but I also know that following that simple plan will take me to the places I long to go. It will you, too!

Tip: Be good, do good!

Have a great week! God bless you! Dr. Robert A. Rohm

Procrastination Is The Devil’s Chloroform

Procrastination Is The Devil’s Chloroform – Harvey Mackay ~ / ~

A company president had little tolerance for procrastination. In an effort to increase organization efficiency, she hung up signs throughout the building that read, “DO IT NOW.” Within 24 hours, her vice-president quit, her assistant got married and the custodian stole the company van.

This story is not entirely true, especially the part about the van. But I suspect the president found a more specific way to motivate staff to achieve their goals.

All kidding aside, procrastination is a thief. It robs you of the one commodity that you just can’t buy back: time. It throws off schedules. It replaces accomplishment with inaction. It turns dreams into nightmares. One of the worst things you can do when faced with a difficult decision in almost any endeavor in life is to procrastinate.

Wikipedia states: “The pleasure principle may be responsible for procrastination; one may prefer to avoid negative emotions by delaying stressful tasks. In 2019, research conducted by Rinaldi et al. indicated that measurable cognitive impairments may play a role in procrastination. As the deadline for their target of procrastination grows closer, they are more stressed and may, thus, decide to procrastinate more to avoid this stress. Some psychologists cite such behavior as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.”

Let’s face it … given a choice, most people will perform the least important task first, and the most important last – if at all. That’s why one of these days becomes none of these days.

Here are some tips to stop procrastinating and join the TNT Club – Today Not Tomorrow:

• Deal with your fear. Fear of failure can be crippling, but fear of success can paralyze your efforts just as severely. Avoiding success may seem irrational, but success brings change, and change is often threatening. 
• Make a to-do list with specific deadlines. List what you want to accomplish with a detailed timeline you want to meet. Projects often take longer than expected to accomplish so add in some extra time. I make my to-do list every morning by working backwards: What do I need to accomplish by the end of the day? By the end of the week? The end of the month? That tells me where to focus.
• Break your work into smaller steps. When you look at a big project, it can be overwhelming, so break it down into more manageable parts.
• Don’t get frustrated. Seriously, has frustration ever improved a situation? Better to take a break, collect your thoughts and redirect your attention to a positive first step. Then go on from there.
• Stop overcomplicating things. There is never a best time to accomplish a project. Perfection is a big reason for procrastination. You must dig in. Getting started is often the hardest part. Remember the old saying: Well begun is half done. Once you are off to a good start, it’s much simpler to see the light at the end pf the tunnel.  
• Eliminate distractions. Interruptions and distractions are productivity’s number one enemy. I’ve even gone as far as hanging a “Do Not Disturb” sign on my office door. Set aside a period of time each day – even if it’s only 10 minutes – when you are unavailable for anything less than a four-alarm fire. That goes for office visitors, telephone calls, email and carrier pigeons. 
• Reward yourself. I’m a big believer in rewarding myself for completing a challenging task or a big project. I’ll go out and play golf or attend a sporting event or take some time off to relax. Rewards are good motivation. It also clears your mind for the next challenge.
• Hang out with go-getters. I only hang out with positive people who inspire me to take action. Their spirit and drive rubs off on me. It’s like having motivation buddies. And I like to announce what I’m trying to accomplish, because they will check up on me and make sure I’m doing what I said I would do.

            There is an anonymous poem called “Mr. Meant-To” that goes like this:

Mr. Meant-To has a comrade

And his name is Didn’t Do.

Have you ever chanced to meet them?

Have they ever called on you?

These two fellows live together

In the house of Never Win,

And I’m told that it is haunted

By the ghost of Might-Have-Been.

Mackay’s Moral: Never put off until tomorrow what you should have done yesterday.